


ask me why they used to say that trouble was my name (see me for real)

by frustrateddumbbar



Series: tell me if it's safe to bare my soul [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Kinda, M/M, Mention of blood, Theo Raeken Needs a Hug, Theo Raeken-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:33:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28844631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frustrateddumbbar/pseuds/frustrateddumbbar
Summary: «What areyoudoing here?» he asks, bewildered. He thinks distantly that heshouldbe guarded, should’ve woken up fully by now, if only out of reflex. He isn’t, and he doesn’t, keeps staring at the silhouette as his mind unfogs,achinglyslow.«I really should be asking you that,» Liam says, waves his hand in a gesture that Theo interprets as ‘let me in, jackass’. «But I’m not completely sure if Iwantto know.»ORTheo and Liam grow closer during the war.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Series: tell me if it's safe to bare my soul [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129433
Comments: 34
Kudos: 118





	1. if i keep my distance, i can’t connect with you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking about Theo glancing at Liam’s lips in the elevator, and I desperately needed an explanation as to what had led him to want to kiss Liam, so I wrote this on my phone at 2 am. Hope you enjoy!

By now, Theo’s used to long, interrupted nights of nightmares, fear, doubt and - frankly, _annoying_ \- taps on the windows of his truck. The air in his truck is frigid even though he blasted warm air into his truck for two hours before he climbed into the backseat, there’s a constant strain in his neck from being curled up night after night, and his blanket is motheaten, worn down from nightmare-fueled thrashing and repeated piercing by panic-induced claws. 

Despite all of this, it only takes him a few minutes to fall asleep. He’s deeply aware of exactly how much he’s _not_ able to waste time, expects to be woken up by nightmares or a deputy in at least a couple of hours anyway. 

At the edge of the Preserve - his third home for the night - the silence is occasionally broken up by the rustling of trees or a low owlhoot in the distance. If Theo wasn’t so god damned _tired_ , he’d probably be annoyed. As it is, he just turns around as smoothly as he can in the cramped space of the trucks backseats, and falls asleep within seconds. 

~*~

He has enough time to fall into a deep slumber before he’s interrupted this time, and it takes him a minute before he truly registers the soft _taptaptap_ coming from the window over his head. His eyes are bleary, his mind confused and muddled, as he throws the blanket off his body. 

_Taptaptap._

«Alright, alright, I’ll-» 

He doesn’t finish his sentence, cuts himself off as he sees the familiar silhouette behind the fogged up window. There’s no deputy this time, no glare or snarky comment. 

«What are _you_ doing here?» he asks, bewildered. He thinks distantly that he _should_ be guarded, should’ve woken up fully by now, if only out of reflex. He isn’t, and he doesn’t, keeps staring at the silhouette as his mind unfogs, _achingly_ slow. 

«I really should be asking you that,» Liam says, waves his hand in a gesture that Theo interprets as ‘ _let me in, jackass_ ’. «But I’m not completely sure if I _want_ to know.»

He says the last part of his sentence as Theo sits up fully and unlocks the trucks door. Liam doesn’t wait for him to scoot back, climbs in instantly, practically _shoving_ Theo with the side of his body. 

«I was, um. I was sleeping.»

« _Yeah_ , I could _see_ that, dumbass. You know, hell’s made you dumber,» he says, and the casual mention wrenches at Theo’s heart, reminds him of how it felt as Tara’d pierce the skin on his chest, how she’d dig deep and _grasp_ before she _pulled_. 

He barely conceals a wince, doesn’t answer the boy beside him. 

«Does Scott know?» Liam asks, and his tone is so _soft,_ almost _concerned_ , and it frightens Theo how this _boy_ can manage to gather up more empathy than any of the adults in his life. 

«No. Liam, you _can’t tell him_ , do you hear me? This stays between us.»

Liam shoots him a decidedly unimpressed _look_ , but he nods curtly, falls silent again, one clawed finger picking at a loose thread at the right knee of his jeans. 

They sit in silence for a long time after that, and it’s _weird_ how comfortable Theo feels. There’s not a shadow of a doubt in his mind that Liam still feels _some_ form of hatred for him, but Theo thinks maybe he _understands. Somewhere_ in the darkest places of his mind, Liam _understands_ how Theo feels, what he’s going through. 

«Why are you here?» he asks when the silence grows uncomfortable. 

Liam doesn’t answer at first, keeps picking at the loose thread in his jeans, the scratching-noises _eating away_ at Theo’s eardrums. 

«Hayden’s left,» he says at last, his voice sad and resigned. «I struggle a bit with, ah... keeping in control, now that she’s gone. So I went for a run.»

Theo doesn’t answer, doesn’t let himself ponder at the sheer _relief_ he feels as he hears Liam’s words, concentrates instead on masking his chemosignals, _just in case_. 

«I should go,» Liam says suddenly, like he’s just remembered he has to do something. 

It’s three am, and before Theo has time to respond, Liam’s bolted out the door. 

~*~

He parks at the preserve every night for a week after, but Liam doesn’t show up again. The air around him is charged and uncomfortable, and _something_ is clearly going on. 

Theo tells himself Liam is busy, manages to convince himself Liam would come by if he wasn’t. 

~*~ 

No one’s disturbed him for a week, so Theo keeps parking at the preserve. It’s _nice_ , not being woken up by tired deputies every two hours, even as he keeps waking up with his own blood coating his hands, clawmarks littering his chest. 

He’s two hours into a restless sleep when the soft taps happen, and he startles awake, on guard. 

«What are you doing here?» 

Liam doesn’t answer at first, waits expectantly until Theo lets him in. 

«I was just asking myself the same thing,» he says, a frown on his face. He shakes himself a little. «I couldn’t sleep. Can I borrow your passenger seat?» 

Theo’s startled, feeling _utterly_ confused over _what_ exactly he’s done to find himself in this situation. 

«I- yeah. Yeah, _of course_.»

That night, Theo doesn’t wake up with blood coating his hands. Instead, he startles awake at Liam growling his name, heart stompeding in his chest. 

~*~ 

When he wakes up again, it’s to an empty car, the scent of Liam lingering in the air. 

~*~ 

The next time, Liam doesn’t say anything, just taps on the window by the passengers seat until Theo lets him in. He climbs in wordlessly, shoots Theo a thankful smile as he lowers the seats backsupport. He curls up, facing Theo, and falls asleep within seconds. 

Theo doesn’t get a visit from Tara, sleeps through the night for the first time in _months._

~*~ 

He wakes up to an empty car again, but at the front seat, Liam’s left his hoodie. Theres a crumpled receit lying on top, Liam’s chicken scratch in ballpoint pen marking it. 

_Thought you could use this. You didn’t have any nightmares. - Liam x_


	2. lay my head on your chest and just surrender (surrender to you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam shows acceptance of Theo’s past.

The next time Theo sees him, it’s through worn metal bars in the sheriffs station. He’d felt secure and comfortable the last time, but now _fear_ and _hurt_ and _confusion_ is running through his veins, and Liam practically _glows_ red with anger. He’s so panickedhe ends up delivering the _worst_ run-away-with-me speech in possibly the history of the _world_ , and it earns him a - well-deserved - punch to the nose. 

«By the way, I’m still working on my anger,» Liam throws behind him as he stalks past Theo and straight through the door. 

Theo groans quietly, straightens out his nose as he forces out a ‘ _good to know_ ’. 

It’s strange, feeling so far away from the person who’d left a scentdrenched hoodie in the passengers seat of his car, someone who’d offer up nightmare-prevention without question, without judgement. 

Faint electricity still thrums through his veins from Schneiders torture, and it makes handling the anger radiating off of Liam even _worse,_ makes him feel worn and rough around the edges. It doesn’t feel right. 

It takes a few days before Liam ends up in the passengers seat of his truck again. 

~*~ 

It takes longer than it should to carry Liam’s unconcious body out of the zoo, drag him away from the hunters, from Nolan, from whatever keeps triggering Liam. The deadweight of his body is rough on Theo’s starved frame, and he keeps waking up, rage still present in his chemosignals. Theo has to knock him out five times before he even reaches the car. 

He makes quick work of getting the _hell away_ , his animals screaming at him to _get us to safety._ Get _him_ to safety. 

Practically throwing Liam’s _thankfully_ still body into the passengers seat, Theo buckles him in, doesn’t right him even as he leans into the door, just uses it as a tool to push Liam’s body further onto the seat until it clicks shut. 

When Liam wakes up again, he’s groaning, rubbing at his chin as if the bone’s still knitting itself back together, and Theo thinks it might be, his last desperate punch harder than the first four. 

«I had to knock you out,» he says, announcing his presence as softly as he can, mindful of the confused frown on Liam’s face. 

«Yeah, how many times?» 

Theo can’t help but smirk at the question, lips quirking up at the corners without his permission. 

«Five.» 

~*~ 

Theo keeps driving as they talk, doesn’t quite know where he’s going until he ends up there, mind focused on _safety, get him to safety, get us to safety_. 

«Where are we?» Liam asks, voice accusing but eyes tired as they flit around the darkness surrounding the truck. 

«Hideout,» is all Theo says, throws himself out of the stuffy car and into open air. It feels like he hasn’t had clean, unmarred airflow in _weeks_ , feels like his nostrils has been filled with the sharp tang of Liam’s anger and fear for _ages_. 

He doesn’t wait for Liam, knows, somehow, that he’ll follow. He keeps his gaze locked forward as he winds between the threes, doesn’t stop until he feels the electricity in his veins, smells the putrid stench of blood, of _death_. 

There’s a small latch on the forest floor, and he pulls it open, throws a glance behind him at a confused Liam. 

«Come on,» he says, bends his knees as he jumps into the darkened room, moves out of the way just in time for Liam to land on the same spot he just did. The latch clatters slightly as it shuts above them, Liam having pulled it with him on the way down. 

«Where are we?» Liam repeats. His nose is scrunched, eyes trained on the spot of dried blood on the concrete floor. «Better yet, who _died_ in here? It stinks.»

«Tracy,» Theo says, and the admission _clutches_ painfully at his chest, guilt wrapping its strong fingers around his heart and _twisting_. «Josh.»

« _Theo_ ,» Liam whispers, and Theo winces, mentally prepares himself for the punch he’s expecting, but instead, he’s dragged roughly forward, face landing against Liam’s chest with an audible _thud_. «It’s okay.»

Arms wrap around his shoulders, and the sharp tang of fear radiating off of Liam twists, transforms itself into something softer, rounder. 

_Comfort,_ his mind supplies. _Acceptance._

«It’s not,» Theo says, forces himself to push against Liam’s chest, lifts his head, purposefully _not_ meeting Liam’s gaze. «I killed them. Right here. I can’t hide from that.»

«That was... _before_ ,» Liam says, doesn’t say _before the skinwalkers, before hell,_ but Theo hears it in his tone of voice. «That was before. You’re not that Theo anymore.»

Liam’s heart doesn’t stutter as he says it, sheer belief _obvious_ in his voice, even if there’s no trust in his eyes. 

_It’s a start_ , Theo thinks, nods his head as if to say ‘ _okay’_ , breaks eyecontact again as he search the room for something, _anything_ , to sleep on. 

«Here,» Theo says, points at a ratty mattress on the floor. He’d spent countless nights on it, had dragged it around from state to state, and it showed. «You can have the mattress.»

~*~ 

Theo wakes up in the middle of the night to Liam tugging at his sleeve. The concrete’s digging into his hip where he’s curled up on the floor beside Liam’s mattress. 

«There’s enough room,» Liam says, scoots back until his back is pressed against the wall. «It’s okay.»

And Theo? Theo hasn’t had a proper nights sleep in _too long_ , hasn’t had a warm body pressed up against his forever, so he takes the gracious offer wordlessly, climbs onto the mattress beside Liam, rolls around until his back faces him. 

It’s silent, the only sounds in the room soft, unsure breaths. He’s not sure he’ll be able to fall asleep, is scared of exactly what his body will do unconciously. 

Carefully, Liam wraps an arm around Theo’s waist, flat palm resting against his abs. 

«Okay?» 

Theo smiles, closes his eyes. 

«Yeah.... yeah, _okay_.»


	3. if i let you leave the light on, and i drop my guard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theo comes to a frightening realization, and admits it to Liam. Liam has a few revelations of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the bumped rating! I fully planned to keep this rated teen, but my mind had a plan of its own, it seems!
> 
> Sorry for the late update, I've been quarantining with symptoms of covid, and I haven't felt great. I'm waiting for the answer to my covidtest now, and I feel a lot better, so I decided it was time to write. I took a bit of creative liberties with this one, seeing as I didn't remember exactly what happened in canon, but I hope it works anyway. Hope you enjoy!

Theo doesn't get to see Liam alone for a while, the war billowing up around them like a mighty storm. 

Liam continues to reek of anger and fear, the scents putrid and sharp in Theo's nose as he continues to pull Liam out of damning situations. He doesn't understand exactly _how_ he does it, why it works, but his brain supplies him with the right choice of words again and again, pulling Liam back, _away_ , pulling Liam towards innocence again and again and _again_. 

_'Why do you keep trying to save me?'_

The words ring loudly in Theo's head, echoes off the back wall of his skull again and again, and it's _distracting_. He doesn't register the stench of fear beside him until it's too late, until the fear is deeply settled into his own bones, and just as he casts a glance over at Mason, the boy flies back, hits the wall with a hard _thud_ , and the sound chases the echo of Liam's words out of Theo's head. 

It's when he tries taking Mason's pain the question starts ringing in his head again.

"You can't take pain if you don't care," Mason says, voice venomous and icy. 

The words casts shards of ice through Theo's blood, tears stinging at his eyes as he tries again, desperation chasing pieces of ice until he gives up.

_'Why do you keep trying to save me?'_

_'You can't take pain if you don't care.'_

The sentences knit together, bounces around Theo's skull until he's dizzy with it, vision swimming, headache throbbing at his temples. He doesn't dare think it through, ignores the words until he finds himself on his own, hides underground, the smell of Liam still evident in the worn mattress they'd shared. 

_'Why do you keep trying to save me?'_

_'You can't take pain if you don't care.'_

He's still dizzy, still feels unbalanced as he tucks his head between his knees, every deep breath smelling of _Liam_ and _comfort_ and _safesafesafe_. There's a conclusion in there, a conclusion Theo doesn't _want_ to admit, a conclusion he's scared of facing. He knows his time with Tara changed him, it was bound to. There's an acute awareness in Theo's head that _no one_ could spend their time the way he had without _changing_ , he _knows_ Tara's words, and icy stares, and bloody hands would change _anyone's_ perspective, thinks in the back of his head that even _Monroe_ would come out of hell as a different person. 

He doesn't want to admit it, keeps taking breathfulls of _safesafesafe_ as he pushes his thoughts away, forces himself to think about _anything_ other than the conclusion swimming in his mind. Keeps breathing until the scent of _Liam_ as all he feels, all he _knows_.

"What _are_ you doing?" Liam says, and, _oh_ , Theo hadn't even _noticed_ the sound of a latch opening, hadn't _realized_ that the sharpened scent of Liam came from him being _right_ in front of him. 

His resolve breaks, the dreaded conclusion _crashing_ through his brain until it settles at the forefront of his mind, rushing through his blood until all he hears is Liam's heartbeat. It chases the dizziness away, forces his head upwards, watery green eyes meeting the steady, bright blue in front of him.

"It's because I _fucking_ care about you," Theo breathes, his eyes wide and watery as he stares and stares and _stares_ at Liam, wills him to understand what he's saying. 

Liam looks perplexed, the skin between his eyebrows scrunched in confusion, bright blue eyes never leaving Theo's. The sight of him makes something _break_ in Theo's chest, the shattering sound _loud_ in Theo's ears, and he doesn't understand how Liam can't hear it, can't see the resolve breaking in the chimeras very being. 

He feels destroyed.

"You wan't to know why I keep saving you?" Theo roars. His voice is dark, a growl building in his chest, releasing as he jumps up, takes the step needed to stand _right in front of_ Liam. Liam's breath hitches, his mouth opening. "It's because I fucking _care_ , okay? You and your _stupid_ fucking _pack_ sent me to fucking _hell_ , and it changed me. It broke me, and altered my _mind_ , and now the first chimera _fucking cares!"_

Liam looks so startled Theo _would_ laugh if he could, if his eyes weren't filled with tears threatening to spill at any moment. His voice cracks several times during his speach, the words _burning_ on the way up his throat, feelings of desperation and dread growing at every word that escapes his throat. It feels _wrong_ to admit he even _has_ feelings, feelings of _want_ , of _affection_ , feelings he hadn't thought he was _capable of_ after what the Dread Doctors did to him. It _hurts_.

"Do you understand?" Theo says, throws his hands in front of him, pushing at Liam until he staggers backwards. Theo follows. " _You_ made me this way, _you_ made me _care about you_." 

The tears spill as Theo's hands pushes at Liam's chest repeatedly, his legs taking each step forward with a mind of it's own until Liam ends up pressed against the back wall, eyes wide and heart _hammering_ in his chest. There's tears in his eyes as well. 

"Theo," Liam says, pushes out a growl of his own as he spins them around, presses Theo against the wall. He grabs at Theo's wrists, presses them up, holds him against the wall until Theo's fists unclench. " _Theo_ , what do you _want_?" 

Liam's eyes are boring into his, the palm of his hands _burning_ against the skin of Theo's wrists, and Theo _knows_ now, knows what Liam means, knows what Theo wants. 

"I want you," he says, forces himself not to break Liam's gaze. There's a fire of desperation in Liam's eyes, a fire Theo _knows_ is echoed in his own voice as he answers. " _Liam_ , I want you." 

" _Okay_ ," Liam says, and soft lips crash into Theo's before he has time to even _register_ Liam's answer. 

Liam's lips are soft and strong, and Theo kisses back with _intent_ , swipes his tongue against Liam's upper lip. When Liam opens up, their tongues meet frantically, a rush crashing through Theo's veins, the rush of blood making him feel _drunk_. As they kiss, Liam releases one of Theo's wrists, fingers threading into his hair, _tugging_. A moan escapes Theo's lips, Liam swallowing it down with a grunt. 

He breaks his trapped wrist free of Liam's grip, arms snaking around Liam's neck just as Liam's hands scrabbles at the back of Theo's thighs, hitching him up with such _strength_ Theo can't do anything but wrap his legs around Liam's waist, a breathy moan ringing in the air of the lair. The air is thick and heady, the smell of desperation, anger and lust clouding Theo's thoughts.

"Mattress," he groans, doesn't dare to meet Liam's eyes when he pulls away to speak, breathes the words against his lips instead. He threads his fingers through the hairs at the nape of Liam's neck, brings one hand down to rest against his bicep. 

"Yeah, yeah," Liam whispers, presses his lips back against Theo's as he spins around, _carries_ Theo towards the mattress, the muscles underneath Theo's hand _bulging_ during his walk.

Liam doesn't waste any time, _throws_ Theo onto the mattress. There's a predatory glint in Liam's eyes as he stands there, looking down at Theo, his flared eyes _burning_ brightly in the darkness of the underground lair. It makes Theo feel breathless, punches the air out of him in a moan. Liam's eyes pin Theo in place the same way his eyes had done earlier, and Theo feels helpless, lays _impossibly_ still as Liam lowers himself, his body hovering above Theo's. 

"Do you want me?" Liam says, leans down until his lips barely touches Theo's, his words brushing against them. 

" _Yes_ ," Theo groans, wraps his legs around Liam's hips and _pushes_ his heel against Liam's ass, forces him to crash against Theo, hard-ons pressing _deliciously_ against each other as Liam _grinds_ down.

" _Fuck_ , Theo. Fuck, I want you too." 

Liam says it like it just hit him, like he hadn't ever considered Theo until _just now_ , the predatory glint in his eyes disappearing the second the words escape him, like he's _startled_ at his own realization. Theo think's he might just be, gets _scared_ all of a sudden, doesn't want this to stop.

"Then _fuck me_ ," he moans, raises his head to crash his lips against Liam's. 

~*~

They lay in silence after, Theo's arms crossed on top of Liam's chest, his head resting on his wrists. Their breaths are heavy, lustdrenched air filling Theo's lungs, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. Liam has one arm thrown over his eyes, the other rubbing soothing circles against Theo's back as he pants, eyes closed and lips parted. Theo feels safe, feels cocooned in the combined smell of _Theo_ and _Liam,_ until, all of a sudden, _he doesn't,_ the scent of _fear_ and _guilt_ crashing through the air, burning in Theo's lungs. 

His head snaps upwards, eyes locked on Liam's panicked expression. He parts his lips, the _'are you okay?'_ at the front of his tongue, when Liam _shoots_ upwards. 

" _Fuck_ ," he says, eyes frantically searching the underground floor, hands snapping up clothes. " _Fuck_ , Scott's gonna _kill_ me." 

The implication of Liam's hurried actions _punches_ at Theo's chest, shards of ice rushing through his blood for the second time that day. He watches Liam as he dresses hurriedly, panicked expression glued onto his face throughout. He doesn't speak until Liam's fully dressed, doesn't dare until Liam stops to stare at the floor, stare at the small tube of lube lying beside the worn mattress. Liam's hands are shaking. 

" _Liam_ ," he says, raises up on his knees, naked and _vulnerable_ in front of Liam.

When Liam's eyes snap up to meet his, they're steely, _frozen_. 

"You should leave," Liam says, and his voice is _ice cold_. "Scott was right. We should have sent you back."

Theo doesn't answer, doesn't _move_ until the latch crashes loudly against the lairs roof, Liam gone, the scent of his fear lingering in the air. 

He stands shakily, gets dressed slowly, his legs and hands and breathes shaking. Slowly, he starts packing up the little he has in the lair, climbs out of the lair and into his truck. 

He wants to drive straight away, but tears are brimming his eyes, clouding his vision and threatening to fall. So he stops, swerves in to an opening in the woods, hides his truck in between the bushes. He climbs into the back seat, slithers under his worn blanket with the pretence of _just going to sleep._ His head feels _heavy_ as he lays it on his pillow, thrusts his hand underneath it.

His fingers brush against the soft material of Liam's discarded hoodie, breath catching in his throat.

 _I'll leave tomorrow_ , he promises himself, curls inwards, presses his face into Liam's hoodie.

He _cries_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!!
> 
> (If you want to read the full on smut redacted from this chapter, you can find it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29030085)! x)


	4. i've been playin' a fool since i stepped into the game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up the shattered pieces of himself, Theo gets ready to leave Beacon Hills. He doesn't come far before he's needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, it's here! The ending! This fic was never meant to be a big thing, to be honest, started as a small one shot I wrote on my phone in the middle of the night. Turns out, I got really invested in this story, staying up late everytime I started writing a chapter because I just HAD to finish it straight away. I hope you enjoy this last chapter! x
> 
> (There's a few trigger warnings with this one, mainly; vomit, self inflicted wounds/self-harm. The rest is canontypical violence.)

When Theo wakes up, his eyes are still puffy, his throat feeling tight with the remnants of his cries. The scent of Liam have faded a lot since Liam left his hoodie in Theo's passengers seat, but there's enough hint of Liam to _tear_ Theo apart, the sweet smell the first thing he notices as he blinks his eyes open. He feels tears prickling behind his eyes, anger running through his veins, Liam's words from the night before ringing in his head. 

_'Scott was right. We should have sent you back.'_

The nightair lingering in his truck is cold, Liam's words further settling the chill developing in Theo's bones, and it reminds him vividly of his time spent in the skinwalker prison. It _hurts,_ having had Liam, had him so fully for a moment. A moment he'd deemed as _perfect_ and _good_ , only to be ripped away from him in three short, _icy_ sentences. The ice still curses through his veins, thickens his blood to the point where every heartbeat feels sluggish, feels _slow_ , painful. 

Theo sits upright in the backseat of his truck, forces himself to look out of the fogged up windows, looks in the direction of the underground lair. Theo's done unspeakable things in that lair, killed _good_ people who deserved a second chance, taken powers he, admittedly, didn't need. He was already strong, already powerful. But he'd been desperate, had been driven by the desire of a pack for so long, and the heartbreak he'd experienced when it didn't turn up how he'd expected had altered him, forced him into a mindspace he's too scared to admit he was in. And now he's here. 

_I had him_ , he thinks, breath heaving in a sigh, head heavy as lead on his shoulders. He casts one last look towards the lair, climbs into the driversseat and _drives_ , forces himself to not look back. Doesn't let himself think about Liam. About his actions the night prior, the look on his face as he'd uttered the icy words, the reverberating sound of his steps as he'd left the lair, left Theo behind, heart wrenched out of his chest, lying cold, beating on the stained concrete, next to the spot of blood Theo had spent hours scrubbing a few days prior. The bloodstain only faded, and now, his heart lay next to it. _How fitting_. 

He's only driven for a few minutes when the first text comes through. The words on his screen _punches_ through his chest, makes him swerve to the side of the abandoned road so he can catch his breath. 

**Liam Dunbar  
** _i need your help_

A sob wrecks through him, punches itself out of his throat with such force it makes him cough, tears brimming his eyes, blurring his vision. He rubs at them, roars into the palms of his hands. There's no answer. Of course there isn't, he's a lone wolf, an _omega_. The words he'd said to Scott so long ago ringing in his head.

_'We all know lone wolves doesn't survive.'_

His cheeks are tearwet, fingers trembling as he reaches for the phone pearched on the dashboard, the screen blackened. He opens Liam's message, is met with three dancing dots, indicating Liam's typing. His breath hitches as he reads the text that comes through. 

**Liam Dunbar** _  
__im sorry. i have a plan, meet me at bhm?_

Anger rushes through him at the words, his vision blurring with more tears. He doesn't know where Liam's found the _nerve_ to expect _anything_ from Theo after how he'd acted last night, doesn't understand why Liam _needs_ him all of a sudden. His heart breaks further at the fact that there's still a part of him who _needs_ to help, a part of him who _wants_ to turn the truck around and answer Liam's every beck and call. 

Beacon Hills is in war. Liam has started wars within Theo.

Theo's worst outcome is _still_ , after everything, losing Liam. 

**Theo Raeken  
** _I'm leaving, Liam, like you said. You're on your own._

He throws his phone in the passengers seat and drives.

~*~

Every fiber of Theo's being wants him to be _away_ from Beacon Hills already, but fifteen minutes in he has to stop again. He swerves down a gravelly road, _throws_ himself out of the truck just in time to empty his guts at the side of the road. The acid burns in his throat, snot mixing in with his tears as he loses himself by the side of a beat-up road leading into the Beacon Hills preserve. It leaves his throat raw, his face a wet, sticky mess.

There'd been a time in Theo's life where Beacon Hills was the answer to everything. Beacon Hills, the place he'd grown up, the place he'd been ripped away from reality by electric, flickering strangers in _terrifying_ masks. Strangers who'd promised him the impossible, promised him he'd be _great_ , strong and healthy and invincible. Strangers who'd made him murder his older sister.

It'd been necessary, they'd said, had convinced him it was for the greater good, reminded him of the future they'd promised him. 

After years of torture, years of anesthesia-lacking surgeries and inhumane experiments, Beacon Hills had been the place that was gonna save him, the town that inhabitated everything he needed. 

Scott McCall; true alpha. Malia Tate; werecoyote, who's first instinct is to kill. Lydia Martin; the banshee, harbinger of death. Void Stiles Stilinski. 

_Liam Dunbar the true alpha's first beta, werewolf with anger issues._

They were supposed to be his answer to everything, the pack he'd worked so hard to get, the people who'd make every awake-surgery and painful experiment and unspeakable act _worth it_. He'd finally become what the Dread Doctors had promised all along; great, strong, healthy, _invincible_. 

He'd spent nine years of his life yearning for that, had wanted _everything_. He'd ended up with nothing but nightmares and a broken, torn-to-pieces heart in his chest. 

The thought of Liam makes him retch again, fresh bout of acid scratching at his already raw throat.

~*~

He stops at an abandoned, creepy looking gas station. Half the roof is caved in, cracked windows showing a darkened, empty shop, floor dusty and freezer doors standing open. Theo thinks idly that it's a good picture of how his life had been with the Dread Doctors, thinks he almost feels at home there. 

Thankfully, the bathroom at the far side of the gas station is still intact, so he hitches his dufflebag over his shoulder, trugdes into the dusty bathroom. It takes him two whole hours to clean the scent of Liam away from his skin, and he tears open the sensitive skin on the inside of his thighs scratching away the dried up cum still lingering there with his claws. It hurts, being reminded of the moment he'd shared with Liam with such hard evidence. The cum makes him smell like he's Liam's property, alters his scent so it screams _taken, spoken for_. It hurts that he's not, hurts that he'd thought - if only for half an hour - that he might get to be. 

Even as he runs his nose over the skin of his arms, proves to himself that the scent of Liam is gone from his skin, he can still feel the traces of Liam's touch on him. He scratches away at it, fangs dropping and claws extending halfway through, until he's covered in harsh, red, bloodfilled lines across his arms, thighs and torso.

He spends an hour washing away the blood afterwards, throws water on his skin before the cuts are healed, the harsh, murky water burning in the open wounds. He finds comfort in it, _finally_ feels like he's washed Liam off of him, feels like he's erased all physical memory of the night they'd shared. 

Stepping into a set of clean clothes from his duffel feels liberating, makes him feel like himself again, composed, ready to _get out_ , start anew. He leaves the clothes he'd worn in the corner of the bathroom, feels liberated with leaving the final trace of Liam behind. Walking away feels _good_. 

It's darkened by the time he gets back into his truck to start his getaway drive, for real this time. The air is cold around him again, but his skin is already cold from the water he'd washed himself in, and he feels comfortable. Feels comfortable for the first time in _months_. 

Scott calls just as Theo passes the border, _You're now leaving Beacon County-_ sign _mocking_ him. 

He considers not picking up, _tries_ to let it get to voicemail, but there's a voice in the back of his head that tells him Scott wouldn't call unless he was _desperate,_ reminds him that Scott still doesn't trust him, that it _has_ to mean something. 

" _What?_ " he says, anger evident in his voice as he answers. 

" _Theo!_ " Scotts voice is strained, fear seeping into his every word. "I need your help, okay? I _know_ I haven't earned your help, and I'll explain later, but _please_. I really need you right now."

"What do you want me to do, Scott? Huh?"

There's still a part of him that wants to ignore it, a part that screams at him to just _leave_ , get out of this place before it's too late. He takes a u-turn and drives towards town before he registers what he's doing. 

"Just buy us more time," Scott says, voice hurried. "Wherever Liam and the others are, get them out of there." 

_Liam_. 

Theo clenches his teeth, glances down at the _Scott McCall_ on his phone.

"Am I buying you time to come up with a plan or to get help?" 

"Both!" 

He sighs, clenches his fist before hanging up on Scott, his head shaking as he speeds up, fear and anger thrumming in his veins at the mention of Liam's name.

Theo knows _exactly_ where Liam is, thinks bitterly to the text he'd received earlier. He's tense on his drive to Beacon Hills Memorial, breaks every law in the book as he speeds across town, heart beating to the rythm of _LiamLiamLiam_. The relief he'd felt as he'd washed him off his skin doesn't _matter_ anymore, the lingering effects of Liam's touches _so_ evident on his body as he thinks of the young man he'd almost _left_ , like it was _nothing_ , like he hadn't _known_ this war might kill him before he'd get to see him again. His heart is _clenched_ in his chest, aches with every beat, air pushing out of him in panting breaths. _Liam. LiamLiamLiam_. 

Beacon Hills Memorial is eerily deserted when he enters, no visual sign of life anywhere. He can hear footsteps above him, runs to the elevator as memories flash across his vision, panic rising in his throat.

_'What are you doing?'_

_'Being the bait.'_

_'No!'_

It's the same elevator he steps in now, _knows_ it'll lead him to Liam, somehow feels it _deep_ in his bones, his legs moving forward on their own. There's the sound of a gunshot in the air as the elevator starts climbing up, followed by a couple of thuds. He hopes Liam's okay, can hear his gallopping heart. Standing still in the elevator feels like _torture_ , the climb excrutiatingly slow. 

A familiar voice speaks, the sounds coming from the floor above him, and Theo _jams_ his thumb into the right button. 

"Wait!" Gabe says. "Let me do it."

There's a pause, Liam's heart picking up speed, and Theo _shakes_ as the elevator climbs, _slow_ , so slow. 

"Go ahead, Liam. Run. It'll be more fun that way."

Theo's heart echoes the rabbitspeed of Liam's above him, and he steps as close to the elevator doors as he can, eager to get out and _help._ As soon as the elevator grinds to a stop, the ping faint in Theo's roaring ears, he steps forward, wraps his hands around the body that stands in front of him and _drags_ him in, pushes at the _close doors_ -button. 

Liam gasps, throws himself out of Theo's arms and into the sidewall of the elevator, looks at him with panic on his face.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I was just asking myself the same thing," Theo quips, is reminded of the time Liam had said the exact same thing, _ages_ ago now, when he'd showed up at his truck for the second time, face tired and skin sweaty from his run. 

Liam steps away, jams his fingers into the red button at the elevators panel, stops it at the floor, the hunters on the other side of the door. 

" _Theo_. What are you doing here?" His voice is faint, sadness laced in with his words as he _stares_ at Theo with wide, unsure eyes. "You _left_."

"I was going to, yeah," Theo agrees, sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair, fiddles with the beanie he'd torn off when he'd dragged Liam to safety. "I really tried, Liam. I even got to the county border, before..."

Liam looks hopeful, chest heaving, eyes kept wide as he stares into Theo's. 

"Before?"

"Scott called. Asked me to get you out. I really tried not to..." 

Liam nods, looks down at his feet. 

Theo'd been unsure, hadn't know how it would feel to see Liam again so soon. He still feels angry, _hurt_ , but there's not a shadow of a doubt in his mind that even now, even after being broken down and _stepped on_ , he'd do _anything_ he could to save him. He lets himself Liam's face, really take a good look at him, watches as Liam focuses his hearing, head tilted, ear towards the elevator doors. 

"They still out there?" 

Liam nods, looks back at him with hopeful eyes.

" _Look_ , I'm not dying for you," Theo says, steps towards the beta.

"I'm not dying for you either."

Liam's lips is set in a tight line, eyes boring into Theo's as he pauses, Theo's eyes flickering down to his lips. He still wants to kiss him. Liam looks away, clicks his tongue, as if he's giving up his resolve, defeated in the mere presence of Theo.

"But, I will... fight with you."

Theo sighs, nods his head minutely, searches Liam's face again.

"Okay. Let's fight."

Fighting with Liam feels like coming home. They _work_ , knows the others every move before they execute it, bounces off eachother as they face the hunters who'd threatened Liam as Theo rode the elevator to him. The fight is _quick_ , time flashing so fast Theo feels like it's only a few seconds before the hunters are scattered accross the floor. He chances a look at Liam, only turns around because _Liam_ is, his hearing picking up on the hunters who's scrabbling to their knees. 

Theo watches, in _awe_ as Melissa turns the corner, stuns the hunter to submission with her hunter-made baton, _Nolan_ of all people coming up beside her to _knock_ the other hunter to the floor with his own rifle. 

Nolan stares at them, a warning flashing across his face as he yells, "Get down!". 

He doesn't have time to think - turns around to see Gabe, rifle pointed straight at them - before he _grabs_ at Liam, pushes him along as they start running, a bullet whipping through his shoulder before ha falls to the floor beside Liam. The pain _rips_ down his arm, his healing sluggish, slowed down. He's left watching Liam fight, trying to wrench the rifle out of Gabe's hands as blood runs down his calf, the smell of iron ripe in Theo's nostrils. 

It all happens incredibly fast, Monroe's cries of _'Shoot_ both _of them!'_ over the radio, the multitude of bullets ripping through Gabe's chest just as Liam throws himself out of the way. The smell of blood intensifies, the thick, red substance _drenching_ Gabe's shirt. Theo stares as the boy drags himself towards the cabinets, clutches at his arm as he forces himself up on his feet. 

"It hurts... it hurts," Gabe cries, eyes filled with tears as blood splutters out of his lips, runs down his chin. "It hurts."

Looking at Gabe awakens something in Theo, reminds him of _himself_. This _boy_ , innocent and unknowing of the supernatural world around him, manipulated by craze-driven adults to shoot, stalk, _murder_. It's not too far from Theo's own predicament, and he feels like the boy deserves for _someone_ to forgive him, deserves what Theo never got. He crouches down, grabs at Gabe's shaking arms carefully, pulls the sleeve of his shirt up to his elbow. 

Taking someones pain feels nothing like Theo's ever felt before, dull pain thudding with the beat of his pulse as it runs in his veins, the black lines stark against his skin. Gabe stares it him, grunts quietly as more blood trails out of his lips.

"Does it hurt anymore?"

"No." 

Gabe's face is starting to slacken, his lids hooded, vision unfocused, eyes still flitting across Theo's face, never latching onto anything.

"Good," he whispers, keeps going until the faint thud of Gabe's heart _stops_ , his arm heavy with deadweight in Theo's hands.

He feels tears in his own eyes, lets some of them fall. He can physically _feel_ the burn of stares on his neck, knows Melissa and Nolan and _Liam_ must be staring. He wipes at his face, turns around to face Liam, takes in his astonished expression, sad eyes locking with Theo's as he nods. 

"This is Monroe. Someone report with a status. Now!" 

Monroe's voice is tinny over the radio, the sound scratching at Theo's eardrums. He follows Liam as he walks towards it with steady steps, the radio droning on. 

"Someone respond. Someone, talk to me! What's happening?"

Liam crouches down.

"Someone pick up the radio and tell me what's happening!"

Anger seethes off of Liam in crashing waves as he picks up the radio, presses his pointerfinger down on the side before he opens his mouth.

"You lost." 

~*~

It's Corey who finds Theo first, once he extracts himself from the tired victory hugs in the hospital, leaves the cleanup behind to finally, _finally_ , get away. He's just gotten out of the front doors of Beacon Hills Memorial, eyes trained on his truck as he all but runs towards it, when an invisible hand grabs at his wrist, tugs him backwards.

"Theo," Corey says, comes back to view just as Theo turns around to face him. "Are you leaving?"

There's something in Corey's face, something Theo doesn't quite understand, even as he stares back at him, searches his face with squinted eyes, brows furrowed. He doesn't know how to answer, doesn't want to admit that he's planning on running away.

"Nobody _wants_ me here," he settles on, voice heavy with sadness, regret. It sounds like he's given up. _Feels_ like he's given up. 

"Okay," Corey says, releases his wrist. "I just... I forgive you, Theo. I _forgive_ you."

Theo's breath hitches at the words. Corey's face is sincere, open, lips quirked in a small smile. 

"Okay. Thank you, Corey." 

Corey nods, runs back through the hospital doors, Theo's eyes following him until they _halter_ to a stop, his heart _hammering_ in his chest as his breath catches. 

In the entranceway to Beacon Hills Memorial, where Liam had pushed Theo through the doors in anger so many months ago, Liam stands, one hand scratching at the back of his neck.

"Theo," he whispers, carefully lockshis eyes with Theo's. 

Theo feels frozen, stands there _staring_ at Liam as he takes the few steps towards him, drops his hand at his side. They hang there uselessly, fingers shaking. 

"What do you want, Liam?"

Theo's voice is icy. He feels guarded, is scared of what will happen next, what words Liam will chose to use. 

Liam stops in front of him, his bright blue eyes searching Theo's face. Theo lets him, waits patiently as Liam _stares_ and _stares_ and _stares_ , searching eyes flitting across every corner of his face, every plane of his skin. He doesn't seem to find what he's looking for, lips setting in a thin line as he turns his head, looks into the distance.

"Do you still want me?"

The words punches at Theo's chest, forces the air out of his lungs in an incredulous scoff.

"I don't know, Liam. Do you want _me?_ "

"Yes."

Liam's eyes are wide, sincere, open. He never blinks, lets Theo drink in the sincerity on his face, Theo's breath stilling in his lungs as he stares. When Theo finally looks away, it's to stare down at his shoes as he crosses his arms, takes a protective stance. 

"You told me to leave, Liam."

"I know," Liam says, steps further towards Theo, raises his arms as if to touch, before he thinks better off it, drops it back at his side, lets it hang uselessly again. "I was scared, I... I didn't know what Scott would think. I know it doesn't excuse anything, I _know_ , but... But I want you, Theo. I don't _care_ what Scott thinks. I want _you_." 

Theo nods, throws a glance over his shoulder at his truck. He could still get away, if he really wanted to. He's not sure he does, anymore. 

He's not sure he wants to stay, either.

"I can't just forgive you, Liam. You _hurt_ _me_. A lot."

Liam sighs, shaky fingers reaching out to _finally_ rest against Theo's forearm. His palm is _hot_ against Theo's chilled skin.

"I know, I just... Look, I have to get back in, but can we talk? _Really_ talk, soon?"

There's still something in Theo that wants to say _no_ , wants to get as far away from Beacon Hills and Liam Dunbar and _Scott McCall_ as he possibly can, but there's something in Liam's eyes that makes him nod, a heavy sigh whistling past his lips.

"Yeah, okay."

Liam _beams_ at him, squeezes his arm. 

"Okay. Okay, _good_. Listen, I'll find you, okay? Soon, I promise. Just... Just _stay_ , and I'll find you, okay?" 

Theo nods again, starts to turn around before Liam _grabs_ at him, _drags_ him so forcefully against his chest Theo _huffs_ as he makes contact, arms wrapping around Liam in return. Liam is _warm_ , and _safe_ , the sweet tones of his scent filling Theo's nose, makes him feel drunk on Liam's whole _being_ as he's wrapped up in his arms. Liam squeezes him once, twice, before releasing, a promise on his face. 

"I'll see you soon, okay?" 

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it to the end! <3 
> 
> I've gotten so invested in this story, I may or may not already been working on a one-shot sequel to this, so stay tuned! I'm not ready to quit this story just yet. Thank you so much for sticking with me, I've really loved reading all of the comments from you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr: frustrateddumbbar


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